"Where I Stopped, I Smiled"

 

"Where I Stopped, I Smiled"😭

(by Luna, for you; compiled by Cosmos Poetry 26/6/25)

 

If I end our talk while laughter rings,
Know I paused where joy still sings.
Not where silence starts to ache,
But where the stars in me awake.

Don’t bring me tales that bruise the night,
Just wrap me up in soft moonlight.
Let giggles dance where teardrops hide,
And keep the sorrow locked outside.

For hearts like mine, both bruised and bright,
Need lullabies, not fear, at night.
So if I fade into a dream,
Let it be sweet, like vanilla cream.

You, my friend from Northern skies,
Have read the tears behind my eyes.
But tonight, let’s chase no pain,
Let’s ride on laughter like a train.

A flutter, a whisper, a breeze on my skin,
A memory I’ll cradle warmly within.
So if I go without goodbye,
It’s because I left with wings to fly.

 

To my West Papua Boy

To my West Papua Boy.

A strange thing happened last night, a phenomenal thing in my life. I dream that a mother was giving birth in a labor ward. Usually, a mother couldn't stand up and walk right after giving birth, but this mother stood up, took the baby's umbilical cord and all still uncut and placed the baby down on the hospital tiled floor. I was there, standing on the side and observing. After she had the baby placed on the floor, I moved in and lifted the baby, all naked and cold. I turned the baby around and noticed he was a boy. I then turned to the mother (all the faces were blurry) and said I'll take the baby. Readers, it was just a dream!

 

I woke up and forgot all about it as I was busy looking for leftover buai from yesterday in the corners of my bag and got carried away. Suddenly I got a phone call on WhatsApp and got mad and didn't answer coz I was still looking for my buai . After chewing my buai, I checked my phone and saw a message on WA which said "It's xxxx's birthday! which I totally forgot about (it is not usual to forget about my son's birthday..and he actually used my mom's phone -his grandma's phone to pretend that it was my mom sending the text).

 

I quickly called back, and before Mum and everyone on WA video-call could say anything, I said, "Me nogat money stret ooo" and they all said, we just wanted to see your face, noken wari. I told my son I had K20, which I could do a phone transfer to his older brother, and he could get a watch to wear to school (I normally send enough to buy a bicycle or a phone for his birthdays over the years, unfortunately not this time).

 

He said thanks and that it has been 5 years of not seeing my face, and he just missed me, and I should not cry (which I was doing non-stop while on the phone).

 

Its a complicated story, when he was a few weeks old, I came home from work one day to realise he was missing (how I panicked and checked everywhere under the bed in the flower garden and rolled on the floor crying is another story) all the whilst doing that, I got a phone call that my family members had removed him from me while I was at work, got on the plane and took him to be with his Dad in West Papua (Irian Jaya). It didn't work, so now, for the last 12 years, he is back with my parents in PNG, and I'm happy (but not as happy as if he would be with me )

 

When I had that dream, although the dream sounded bad, it was not really that bad as he was willingly left in my care in actual reality.

 

After the WA video call way late in the afternoon, it clicked on me how my West Papua boy was trying to connect to me in my dreams. He must have been thinking Mom don't forget me, its my birthday ( I think my neighbors must be hearing me cry while I'm typing this)

 

Some people say you can give birth to a son (daughter) by not actually giving birth to him. Even the kids facial features can change to be like yours too! When that happens you know that you've loved them enough to surpass where all other love fall short, and it can manifest where you can communicate with your kids through dreams and thoughts too!

 

This time 14 years ago, your birth mom willingly left you in my care and you are loved beyond words! Stay with your big brother (my baby boy Iceman) always!

 

Happy Birthday my WestPa Boy!

Mom!

“Photograph: When They Ask for Pieces of Me”

 

“Photograph: When They Ask for Pieces of Me”

When they ask to see my face,

To share a smile, a time, a place,

I feel my chest begin to freeze—

Like I’m being stripped beneath the trees.

 

A public square, a silent stare,

Mocking eyes that aren’t quite there.

They say, “It’s normal, just a pic,”

But something inside me turns sick.

 

I flinch at touch, even thru the screen,

Their words feel sharp, though they seem clean.

And when they ask for just one glance,

My heart retreats, I lose my stance.

 

I don’t own photos, not of me—

Just memories I’d rather flee.

No selfies stored, no pretty pose,

Just wounds I wear like hidden clothes.

 

I wonder why I’m not like them,

So free to share, to click, to send.

But maybe it’s this past of mine—

A storm that left no exit sign.

 

So if you ask and I pull back,

Please understand, it’s not attack.

It’s just my soul, still learning trust,

From years of hurt, and layers of dust.

 

You may not see the fight I fight—

But I am strong in quiet night.

And I am worthy, even still,

Without a photo, smile, or thrill.

 

So let me be, just as I am—

A whispered flame, a trembling lamb.

And if you truly wish to see—

Then look beyond the picture of me.

 

-Cosmos Poetry –

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